"You do this every time! Look through everything in your purse. You always do this, Clara, every time we come out for groceries. What a dizzy wife you are! Next time, give me the credit card before we leave the friggin' house! You'd better find that credit card!"
I watched the senior woman search frantically in her purse. She was silent, her fingers moved all over her wallet. When he scolded her, she looked up at him while the words came out of his mouth, like she was trying to show she was paying attention to him. When he stopped fussing, she looked back down at her task.
I became angry, because it seemed to me the woman was being bullied. I was about to step in, but thought, "Wait, did you assess this situation correctly, Sylvia?" I walked over to another aisle so I could settle down, and then address them with the right tone and spirit. In less than a couple of minutes, I returned to the soup aisle. They were gone. I spent the rest of the afternoon wondering if I should have done more.
Your thoughts?
Sylvia
www.sylviabrownroberts.com
A sad situation but I was always told not to get in married people's arguments. Sadly to say about 30 plus years ago I witness my childhood friend getting smacked repeatedly on a 45 minute ride. Then he pulled her out of the car and hit her. When we finally made it home, my girlfriend wanted to get out of the car and he wouldn't let her. I told my mother what had just happened. To my surprise, my mother said that's nothing new. He does that all the time. I said well should I go next door and tell her parents? My mother responded, you can if you want to but it's not going to make a difference. She has to be the one who wants to do something about it. I could not believe what had just happened because I thought they had the perfect marriage. That was one time that I felt helpless and one time that I was glad to get home in one piece. But if the man had gotten violent with the woman, I might would have said something or called the manager. Sticky situation.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean. I was given the same advice about stepping into marriage arguments. Whatever I do, I want it to be helpful and not cause further distress for the oppressed partner.
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